I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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