Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
