bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
