I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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