Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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