When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this beer tastes like vomit already
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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