Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
