My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
