i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
