i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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