I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
