Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
