Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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