Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
