If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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