Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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