She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
