I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
