So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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