we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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