I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
