i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
