I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
