It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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