my being single is dangerous.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
