i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if only i could text you this smell
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
