I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
