i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
