I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
