Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
