and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
