We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.