I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni