Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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(512): View more from Texas

apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am

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(216): View more from Ohio

Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."

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19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Read it at the TFLN blog
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo

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(925): View more from California

Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.

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