oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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