But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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