Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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