Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
