Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
