I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
