ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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