i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
