YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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