My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
