If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
