you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
