Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
