This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They have beer where we have blood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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