The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I puked a lego.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
