the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
