Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
