Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
