If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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