I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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