How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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