i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
