you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
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I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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