how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
