Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's shark week go big or go home
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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