did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize