Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
