my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
