Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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