What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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