"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sex on roller skates
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!