I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!