How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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