you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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