I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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