I'm gonna have a badass scar
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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