I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
